It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and really written anything. One downside to this stockbrokerage job is that I rarely get a chance to come to a dead stop and just think, and I can suddenly imagine why people who choose to stay violently busy use it as a way to avoid introspection. Rest is important, not only for the body, but also to let the mind take its mental temperature, the heart its emotional temperature.
I allowed for that tonight, skipping Bible study to relax — driving to Redondo Beach in traffic just seemed to much in the face of my fuzzy brain. Now I’m sitting down to a civilized meal of soy-sauce and sriracha-marinated pork tossed with whole wheat fettuccine noodles and yams, a glass of pinot grigio at the ready.
As for the temperature?
Well, good, I guess. Wow, that was completely unethusiastic-sounding. I don’t mean it to, necessarily.
Now that the initial excitement of having a boyfriend has worn off a bit, I’m realizing that I have an awful lot to learn about being in an actual, real, committed relationship. How weak the heart, how greedy the eye, how flighty this girl. I now realize how I’ve made a habit of remaining aloof about most things in life, keeping things at a comfortable arm’s-distance. Will this trend continued into the dating life? I sure as hell don’t want to miss the boat on this one, that’s for sure, but as I gathered my thoughts this evening like wildflowers on the side of the freeway, I had to wonder if perhaps I would, like a passenger left behind on the platform, gazing at the back of the train as it pulls out of the station, not even bothering to run after it in haste.
Ah, there they are, those neruoses….
The boyfriend is doing well, by the way. Perhaps you’ve been expecting me to blog non-stop about him, but I’ve had to learn how to blog for two, to take Nathan’s feelings into consideration before I splash something across the page willy-nilly as I’ve done in the past. I feel alright about it, I don’t resent it at all, but it’s an adjustment, like everything right now. He and I — we’re learning, one step at a time.