“lacking in nothing”

by Sandra

A white wine and allergy induced fog has taken over my mind tonight.  My eyes sting from some unknown irritant.  I’m about to watch Layer Cake, a British ganster film from a few years back, most notable for featuring a pre-Bond Daniel Craig.

Not much wisdom to impart tonight, except maybe some inspiration.  I realize that so much of what I write here is cynical in tone, yet my daily thoughts are so far from that so often.  For instance, tonight Michelle told me that after the wedding on Saturday, her boyfriend Chris, after hearing about my recent break-up said to her “I don’t mean this in a bad way, but Sandra seems to be doing fine.”  And I think that’s true.

So often in life, whether bad things happen or not, I have a sense that everything is going to be fine, and that it’s all for the best, especially if I’m secure in the knowledge that God is looking after things.  After-all, breaking up in a relationship is not a fun thing to have to face, but I know ultimately that God has someone more suited to me and that I do not have to struggle in the mire with someone with whom I’m incompatible (with all due respect).  And that brings me peace.

Whether it’s relational or job related or anything, I’ve grown in the past couple of years to just learn to rest in God’s sovereignty, to trust that everything, though largely out of my control, is still in control.  Granted, that does not discount a natural working out of emotions — I’ve alternated from feeling angry to feeling apathetic to everything in between since Friday.  Same thing with recent developements with my mom, who is going in for a biopsy this Friday for a potential someting-or-other in her breast.  Sure, thoughts of what just happened to Dad flash through my brain and the thought of losing my sole remaining parent to cancer is devastating, but again, I know that it is not without purpose.

Like the writer James writes:  “Consider it all joy, my bretheren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”