Detritus

by Sandra

Sometimes I wait too long to write things down. My friend, we’ll call her Mirabelle, has been sick. Sick with depression, with suicidal thoughts, with panic and co-dependency. Things in her life came to a head last week and broke apart in a rather spectacular fashion. Her usually cheerfully sarcastic and mischievious voice was suddenly sodden with tears and sobs. Her sadness made me sad, the feelings she described were at once foreign and all too familiar. It was as if I could see so clearly what she was experiencing, know the answer to her troubles, but unable to push her through the process of discovering these realities, which ultimately she will have to learn on her own.

“I’m learning my lesson much sooner than I thought I was going to,” she croaked during one of our many recent conversations.

I had wanted to write about this earlier but life, as usual, got in the way. Our house is being tented for termites this weekend and we have been anxiously bagging our food and packing for the weekend away. So my intention to capture a flashpoint of pain (the proverbial sourness), a rock-bottom moment that allows for much of life to be brighter and more hopeful, passed. Because, it would seem, Mirabelle is already feeling better — if only perhaps.

“She can’t see right now that things will get better. They’ll get worse again, but then they’ll get better,” quipped Jennifer, a friend from college and a mental-health professional whose advice I sought during the malestrom. Perhaps Mirabelle is in the “better before worse again” stage right now. Overly confident, thinking she’s ready to fly again before it’s time. Leaping out of the nest on a bum wing. Healing, after-all, takes time — not something that can be accomplished in a week or even a month. Wholeness for Mirabelle, is still far away, even though it’s nice to see a smile across her lips and a sharp joke on her tongue. She asks for prayer — for sanity and peace and rest. So pray too, that this time of pain in her life will threshold her into a much better and healthy future.

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