Blog or no Blog?

by Sandra

No, no cousin Margi, in regards to your comment on my last post, I was not smitten with anything else as of late. Almost, but not quite. It turned out to be a jinx, and I flinched. Relationships, it seems, are a fickle beast, and this one bit the dust sooner than it could get a leg to stand on. Let’s just say that’s a story for off the blog. It’s a good story, I learned a lot, but it’s not for the public’s eyes.

My lack of updates lately stem from a variety of different things. Chiefly because of an internal debate over whether I even want to do it anymore—blog, that is. Before I tell you what I decided, let me say that it’s definitely been a process.

On the one hand, I associate blogging with a certain period of my life, a version of myself that I don’t identify with as much. I read old posts and two things come to mind: that I was incredibly naïve, and incredibly transparent. Many things I wrote about then I would not write about now, those posts of the “heart on my sleeve” variety.

I’m happy to think that God has done a lot of work in my life in the last few years, I know I’ve seen the fruits of that growth, but I’ve simply become less enthusiastic about plastering it all up on the web. Indeed, I’ve begun to hold my cards closer to my chest, you could say.

Along those lines, I’ve felt a strong desire lately to live more intentionally offline. I think even my schoolwork suffered last semester due to a near-compulsive need to check the Internet for … what, exactly? I don’t know.

I’m not one of those people who thinks always being online is bad or unhealthy, but I’ve been asking myself lately what it is I truly want out of life, and while I could wile away my days in front of my laptop, I don’t want to.

So that’s how I’m feeling about blogging right now—ambivalent, which thanks to Girl, Interrupted, we now know means having two strong yet conflicting opinions. And that’s true.

Since intentionality seems like as good a theme as any for 2009, that’s what I’ll start doing with this blog, too. My aim is to write a weekly post, perhaps a bit more substantial than what I’ve been writing lately. This is my goal, and I have no doubt that you all will help keep me accountable.